Song 18--Where are you Christmas?

"Where are you Christmas?"
Words

I love the Grinch movies.  The cartoon and the live person.  In the live person one, when little Cindy Lou Who looks out the window and pleadingly questions the location of Christmas--simply moving and magical.  Touching--really.

There was a time when I questioned where Christmas had disappeard to as well.  I grew up loving Christmas.  We had felt cut outs that we would masking tape onto the walls.  Homemade Christmas cookies and candies.  Two of my favorites gifts that I remember were 1.  a Snoopy attached to a piece of metal and a controller that went around in a circle and you tried to knock down Red Baron targets and 2.  the kicker thing that you pounded on his head and he kicked the football.  It was fantastic to have a long narrow hallway for that toy.

But then I grew up.  During my college years, there are many Christmases I flat out don't remember.  There were years where I was an absolute jerk and spent as little time with my family as I could.  I remember not even caring and just feeling depressed and angry.  I was pretty big on blame and not so big on personal responsibility.  I allowed my feelings to take control and totally lost my spiritual bearings. 

But there were also some traumatic events and losses that occurred. I know people who described the first Christmas after someone close to them passed away as being "colorless" and feeling like they were just going through the motions.  Tragedy happens even at Christmas.  Parts of us get damaged and lost.  We begin to drift within our own beings.  Some people may never come back to the joy they once knew.

I am very fortunate. Somewhere along the lines I was able to reconnect with Christmas and reconnect with my own spirituality.  I believe a lot had to do with being able to forgive others and to forgive myself for the jerk I was, the mistakes I made, the people I hurt.  Somehow people loved me through that time and I was able to find Christmas once again.  Somewhere I learned how important keeping my heart clear is.  I need to care for others and trust that I may not always get what I want, but my needs are being met.  I may not always be loved like I want to be loved, but that should not stop me from loving others.  I can give even when I don't get what I want.  I can help others be happy even when I'm not feeling 100%.  I may not be able to keep Christmas all the time, but I can give it a shot.  So can you.